Breast is Best!

Let's talk breastfeeding.
Let's talk weight loss.
Let's talk slow weight gain.
Let's talk tongue and lip ties.
Let's talk about unsupported comments and pressure to formula feed.
Let's talk about the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life.

Zacharey had a very quick un medicated birth. He was brought into the world peacefully, had skin to skin right away and we opted not to have any part of his precious body sliced away. 
He wouldn't latch.
We gave him time, we tried and re tried and re tried.
He finally latched, he was finally eating. The head bobbing 'can't find a boob' continued for weeks. He lost his 10% quickly. Skinny skinny baby.
After a small 4oz weight gain at 3 weeks we had a heart wrenching 7oz loss. I waited until my midwife left to hold my boy and cry. Ugly sobs.  He was nursing constantly, almost every hour, he never slept, only ate! At my Midwife's suggestion, I started taking blessed thistle and fenugreek. Three of each, three times a day. I was also pumping after every single feed and SNSing everything I got after the feeds. Minimum every two hour feeds, regardless of time of day or time of night. I would feel so guilty if he slept longer than two hours, or if I fell asleep and missed a feed. It was exhausting and time consuming. I hated every moment of it. Thankfully I am the most stubborn person on the face of the planet and refused to give up. Refused to settle for anything less.
Every weigh in caused anxiety, every ounce fought for, worked for and desperately needed.
It is even more difficult to have very un supportive comments or suggestions. Just give him a bottle- there is nothing wrong with it. Some babies just need formula. You just aren't giving him enough- that's why he is so skinny.
These comments are not helpful for someone who is struggling to give her baby the best nourishment possible. These comments are not helpful for any breastfeeding mother. These comments are not welcome, especially on pictures of a beautiful boy.
Following our discharge from midwifery care, I made an appointment for us to see a lactation consultant at the health unit. She assessed his mouth, suck and latch. She said he had a very high palate and a weak suck. She confirmed that he has a lip tie and suspected a posterior tongue tie as his tongue does not function properly, even though he can stick it out.
I made an appointment with our family doctor to get a referral to an ENT, but unfortunately my concerns were dismissed. How frustrating. We were denied a referral.
The following week we saw the LC again, I told her what happened at the doctors, and she also dismissed my concerns as his weight gain in the past week was okay- low normal.
At Zacharey's two month well baby check, our doctor listened to our concerns and was hesitant to make a referral to an ENT as his weight was still in the okay low-normal range, although did admit that his weight was not where it should be. She referred us to another doctor in the office who is also a lactation consultant. She felt more comfortable with us getting a second opinion before writing a referral. Okay. We can work with that.
We saw the new doctor/LC on the 16th. Zacharey had a FABULOUS  weight gain of 9oz in 6 days! He sits at 11lbs 1oz. I guess all the cluster feeding he had been doing was really paying off. She again confirmed his lip tie, said his palate was not high at all but said he has a class III tongue tie and awkward mouth movements when sucking. He was mostly playing and would not suck on her finger. Even though he is able to stick out his tongue, when sucking he is unable to extend his tongue past his gum line. She watched him eat, choke, gulp, cough, click and sputter (all normal for him) and made us a referral to see an ENT. She was very reassuring and encouraging. She acknowledged how hard we have been working to get him to gain. It is so nice to finally have answers and a solution. 
I wouldn't say I am apprehensive to having his tie/tie's corrected. However, I am anxious about causing him pain, even though I know it will be beneficial to him in the long run. Not just with eating and weight gain, but with his speech and language development. If I do not hear anything from the ENT by the 31st, I will start harassing them. The older he is, the harder it will be for him to relearn how to use his 'new' mouth.
I just want this whole process to be over with so we can move on. I want him to gain properly. For all of this to work the way it is supposed to.

Saying Goodbye

Today was a sad day.
I hate saying goodbye.
It is hard to believe that we are no longer under the care of a midwife (midwives). Hard to believe that Zacharey is almost 6 week old. Hard to believe that this chapter of my life has come to a close and that it is time to move on. Can we go back please?
The type of care a Midwife provides has zero comparison to that of an OB. I wish I had of used a Midwife for Alex and Nathaniel. It is so much more personable. They genuinely care about how you are doing, what you are feeling and what is going on. It is more like sitting down with an old friend than a health care provider.
My midwives were fantastic and if I have the opportunity to do this all over again, I would not hesitate to use them again. I have no idea if it is even possible to have the same Midwives over and over but I would love it if it were. (I would like to be clear that at this point in time I have ZERO plans to become a family of six. Being a family of 5 is overwhelming enough thankyouverymuch)

Sadly I never got a picture with Zacharey and Myriam, but I did get a few of Zacharey and Susan. (Susan delivered him)

Waiting to say goodbye

She wasn't pinching him, he was starting to get hungry... again

An update as to how we are doing- I had an oh so fun pap done. So I am good for a while (thank god). My stitches are all healed (which I knew) and I am good to go.
Zacharey seems to be having weight gain issues again. After our great 24oz gained in two weeks, he sadly only gained 4oz in two weeks. He is now 9lbs 12oz.
 I guess this means I am pack to pumping after every feed and SNSing whatever I get. Susan made a point to tell me not to stress about his weight gain (or lack there of ) but how can I not? 4oz in two weeks is a very small amount. It is discouraging. Especially since he nurses every hour for the most part. It is so much fun feeling ridiculously inadequate.

--Cris

Never a Dull Moment

Because we are suckers for punishment, we packed up the van and traveled 2.5 hours yesterday (one way), to celebrate Adam's Grandfather's 80th Birthday.
I was super nervous about how Zacharey would do for the ride as he has been eating about every hour. I was fully prepared to have to stop several times and nurse him. Much to my surprise he slept the whole way! Not a peep out of him.

Nathaniel however, got car sick. He filled a large Timmy's cup to the brim (it was the only container I could hand him in a hurry... no judgement needed haha). Super gross. I don't handle vomit well, especially older kid vomit. I thought Adam was going to die laughing at me. Coughing and gagging the whole time. Thankfully he didn't make a mess of himself, the van or his car seat. I must remember to keep an extra outfit for him in the back compartment of the van. You would think I would learn.

It was nice meeting Adam's Grandfather. You would never know he was 80. He looks fantastic and is more mobile than I was expecting. He was thrilled to meet the boys and told me that I was the best thing to happen to Adam. Awwe, I did a good job domesticating!  We left the celebration early due to some serious family drama. It is sad that a bunch of adults can't handle themselves appropriately. We stopped in to see Adam's dad before we made the trip back. The boys had a lot of fun, and that is all that matters.

The ride home was quiet, and although VERY late for the boys they handled the ride. Nathaniel and Zacharey slept most of the way back and Alex watched Transformers on the van's DVD player. (Although I didn't care one way or another when we first got our van, I am SO glad it has a DVD player in it. It makes road trips that much easier.)

Alex had an appointment at HDH to see his psyc today. I really wish that she would be more of a help to us. She often dismisses my concerns and pushes medication.
Yes Alex is medicated, no they don't work.
Instead of helping me address the issues we have been having, she dismissed them AGAIN and wanted to up his dosage. She suggested that I am just tired and not handling him as well as I normally would. Yes, I am exhausted but these behaviours and problems have been going on for months now. I have brought up these issues several times. I am asking for help and instead I am having new prescriptions thrown at me and told to come back in one months time.
In the mean time, I will fill the new rx, up his protein intake (her suggestion to him stealing food) and sit on weight lists for behaviour modification programs (my request).

tick.tick.tick

--Cris

Bat Shit Crazy

Bat Shit Crazy seems to me my new motto as of late.
Adjusting to the life of a mom of three boys has definitely had its challenges, and yet I wouldn't change a second of it. Okay, I might change the fact that thing one and thing two fight constantly... seriously! Do they really need to fight all the time?!?!
The last few weeks have been super eventful in our home. 

Zacharey made his grand entrance into the world on the 9th of August. I think I am still in shock that I did not go over due. Or maybe it is the fact that he came about 30 minutes after we got to the hospital. My poor Midwife caught him all old school- she is bad ass like that. Haha. She didn't have time to put on gloves!
He weighed 8lbs 10oz and was 22 inches long. He looks way smaller than he is. All his weight is in his length.
I am still bummed that Adam wouldn't agree to a home birth but I was able to go home about 3 hours after.
At 5 weeks, I am happy to report that he is still 100% breastfed and has yet to have a bottle. It has been a challenge though. We have dealt with crappy latches, serious weight loss issues, cluster feeds and now clicking. I am still waiting for this to get easier. How can something so natural be so difficult?
To make life even more interesting, we have taken on a new journey. Cloth Diapers! - Honestly, they aren't that bad!

Nathaniel started juniour kindergarten this school year and is in full day (all day every day). How is it even possible that he is old enough to be in real school? He seems to enjoy going and his teacher always has something nice to say about him. Which is a really nice change from all the negative we get about Alex. On Friday, she told Adam that he is a treat to have in the classroom and that he is so kind and compassionate. Way to make your mama proud  kid.

Alex started grade five this year, which makes me feel really old. He has his first male teacher since his horrible private school days. He seems to like him and I have yet to have a phone call or a note come home. I am hopeful for a good year for Alex. God knows he needs one. At 10 years old, he has yet to have a positive school experience. I should really set up a meeting with his teacher. We need to go over behaviours and quirks. Medications and his IEP, his successes and his struggles.

Welcome to our crazy life ;)
--Cris